Conversion
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seemed to me that I was not good enough to enter heaven, that such a
thing would be altogether too much for me to expect.
A lack of confidence in myself, and a conviction that it would be
impossible to make anyone understand my feelings, prevented me from
seeking advice and aid from my Christian friends. Thus I wandered
needlessly in darkness and despair, while they, not penetrating my
reserve, were entirely ignorant of my true state.
Righteousness By Faith
The following summer my parents went to the Methodist camp
meeting at Buxton, Maine, taking me with them. I was fully resolved
to seek the Lord in earnest there, and obtain, if possible, the pardon
of my sins. There was a great longing in my heart for the Christian’s
hope and the peace that comes of believing.
I was much encouraged while listening to a discourse from the
words, “So will I go in unto the king, ... and if I perish, I perish.”
Esther 4:16
. In his remarks the speaker referred to those who were
wavering between hope and fear, longing to be saved from their sins
and receive the pardoning love of Christ, yet held in doubt and bondage
by timidity and fear of failure. He counseled such ones to surrender
themselves to God, and venture upon His mercy without delay. They
would find a gracious Saviour ready to present to them the scepter of
mercy, even as Ahasuerus offered to Esther the signal of his favor. All
that was required of the sinner, trembling in the presence of his Lord,
was to put forth the hand of faith and touch the scepter of His grace.
[18]
That touch insured pardon and peace.
Those who were waiting to make themselves more worthy of divine
favor before they ventured to claim the promises of God, were making
a fatal mistake. Jesus alone cleanses from sin; He only can forgive
our transgressions. He has pledged Himself to listen to the petition
and grant the prayer of those who come to Him in faith. Many have
a vague idea that they must make some wonderful effort in order to
gain the favor of God. But all self-dependence is vain. It is only by
connecting with Jesus through faith that the sinner becomes a hopeful,
believing child of God.
These words comforted me, and gave me a view of what I must do
to be saved.