Visiting the Scattered Flock
107
Rising Above Despondency
The first night after reaching the place of meeting, despondency
pressed upon me. I tried to overcome it, but it seemed impossible to
control my thoughts. My little ones burdened my mind. We had left
one in the State of Maine two years and eight months old, and another
babe in New York nine months old. We had just performed a tedious
journey in great suffering, and I thought of those who were enjoying
the society of their children in their own quiet homes. I reviewed our
past life, calling to mind expressions which had been made by a sister
only a few days before, who thought it must be very pleasant to be
riding through the country without anything to trouble me. It was just
such a life as she should delight in. At that very time my heart was
yearning for my children, especially my babe in New York, and I had
just come from my sleeping-room, where I had been battling with my
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feelings, and with many tears had besought the Lord for strength to
subdue all murmuring, and that I might cheerfully deny myself for
Jesus’ sake.
In this state of mind I fell asleep, and dreamed that a tall angel
stood by my side and asked me why I was sad. I related to him the
thoughts that had troubled me, and said, “I can do so little good, why
may we not be with our children, and enjoy their society?” Said he:
“You have given to the Lord two beautiful flowers, the fragrance of
which is as sweet incense before Him, and is more precious in His
sight than gold or silver, for it is a heart gift. It draws upon every
fiber of the heart as no other sacrifice can. You should not look upon
present appearances, but keep the eye single to your duty, single to
God’s glory, and follow in His opening providence, and the path shall
brighten before you. Every self-denial, every sacrifice, is faithfully
recorded, and will bring its reward.”
In Canada East
The blessing of the Lord attended our conference at Sutton, and
after the meeting closed we went on our way to Canada East. My
throat troubled me much, and I could not speak aloud, or even whisper,
without suffering. We rode praying as we went, for strength to endure
the journey.