16
Life Sketches of Ellen G. White
A Spiritual Revival
Special meetings were appointed where sinners might have an
opportunity to seek their Saviour and prepare for the fearful events
soon to take place. Terror and conviction spread through the entire city.
Prayer meetings were established, and there was a general awakening
among the various denominations; for they all felt more or less the
influence that proceeded from the teaching of the near coming of
Christ.
When sinners were invited forward to the anxious seat, hundreds
responded to the call; and I, among the rest, pressed through the crowd
and took my place with the seekers. But there was in my heart a feeling
that I could never become worthy to be called a child of God. I had
often sought for the peace there is in Christ, but I could not seem to
find the freedom I desired. A terrible sadness rested on my heart. I
could not think of anything I had done to cause me to feel sad; but it
seemed to me that I was not good enough to enter heaven, that such a
thing would be altogether too much for me to expect.
A lack of confidence in myself, and a conviction that it would be
impossible to make any one understand my feelings, prevented me
from seeking advice and aid from my Christian friends. Thus I wan-
dered needlessly in darkness and despair, while they, not penetrating
[22]
my reserve, were entirely ignorant of my true state.
Righteousness by Faith
The following summer my parents went to the Methodist camp
meeting at Buxton, Maine, taking me with them. I was fully resolved
to seek the Lord in earnest there, and obtain, if possible, the pardon
of my sins. There was a great longing in my heart for the Christian’s
hope and the peace that comes of believing.
I was much encouraged while listening to a discourse from the
words, “I will go in unto the king, ... and if I perish, I perish.”
Esther
4:16
. In his remarks the speaker referred to those who were wavering
between hope and fear, longing to be saved from their sins and receive
the pardoning love of Christ, yet held in doubt and bondage by timidity
and fear of failure. He counseled such ones to surrender themselves
to God, and venture upon His mercy without delay. They would find