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Anywhere, Lord, February 22
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever
state I am, therewith to be content.
Philippians 4:11
.
The thought has impressed itself upon my mind that as I have no change in
my physical health it is not best to relate my pains or my hours of sleeplessness
at night. So day after day passes and my experience is the same. My body is
full of rheumatic pains. I have no appetite or pleasure in eating, and when
sitting a short time it is a most painful process to rise. My limbs refuse to
obey my will, and if I move them at all I suffer much pain.
I have many thoughts that I am not sent to this country [Australia] of the
Lord. I feel at times an assurance that the Lord’s will was for me to remain in
California, in my own home, and write as I should be able to write upon the
life of Christ. Of one thing I am certain—that the people need help in this
country. And I feared it might be selfishness in me, or seeking my ease, to
refuse to go to Australia.
During my life I have tried to do that which was opposed to my inclination
because Christ our Pattern lived not to please Himself. Repeatedly, at large
expense, I have thought I had secured a place of retirement and rest, where I
could write out the life of Christ, when some earnest call would come from
somewhere where help was needed, and request would be made for me to bear
my testimony among the churches. I dared not say Nay. I at once responded
that I would do according to the strength given me of God. After this work
was finished in my feebleness, then other duties in Battle Creek called for
labor which required me to carry the burden night and day, being much in
prayer in the hours of the night when I could not sleep.
When I journeyed to California I verily believed I could remain there
through the winter, but many expressed their minds that now was the time
to go to Australia. I dared not settle down, but went, according to the voice
and light of my brethren. Now when I came to Australia the burden did come
upon me and I labored just as I had hitherto done.—
Manuscript 29, February
22, 1892
, diary, written in Melbourne, Australia.
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