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Testimonies for the Church Volume 1
her arms and carried me to the window. I was happy; I thought Jesus
was coming, and I longed to see Him. My heart was full; I clapped
my hands for joy, and thought my sufferings were ended. But I was
disappointed; the singular appearance faded away from the heavens,
and the next morning the sun rose the same as usual.
I gained strength very slowly. As I became able to join in play
with my young friends, I was forced to learn the bitter lesson that
our personal appearance often makes a difference in the treatment we
receive from our companions. At the time of my misfortune my father
was absent in Georgia. When he returned, he embraced my brother
and sisters, and then inquired for me. I, timidly shrinking back, was
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pointed out by my mother, but my own father did not recognize me. It
was hard for him to believe that I was his little Ellen, whom he had
left only a few months before a healthy, happy child. This cut my
feelings deeply, but I tried to appear cheerful, though my heart seemed
breaking.
Many times in those childhood days I was made to feel my mis-
fortune keenly. My feelings were unusually sensitive and caused me
great unhappiness. Often with wounded pride, mortified and wretched
in spirit, I sought a lonely place and gloomily pondered over the trials
I was doomed daily to bear.
The relief of tears was denied me. I could not weep readily, as
could my twin sister; though my heart was heavy, and ached as if
it were breaking, I could not shed a tear. I often felt that it would
greatly relieve me to weep away my sorrow. Sometimes the kindly
sympathy of friends banished my gloom and removed, for a time, the
leaden weight that oppressed my heart. How vain and empty seemed
the pleasures of earth to me then! how changeable the friendships of
my young companions! Yet these little schoolmates were not unlike
a majority of the great world’s people. A pretty face, a handsome
dress, attracts them; but let misfortune take these away, and the fragile
friendship grows cold or is broken. But when I turned to my Saviour,
He comforted me. I sought the Lord earnestly in my trouble, and
received consolation. I felt assured that Jesus loved even me.
My health seemed to be hopelessly impaired. For two years I could
not breathe through my nose, and was able to attend school but little.
It seemed impossible for me to study and to retain what I learned. The
same girl who was the cause of my misfortune was appointed monitor