Sketch of Experience
533
both might bear the solemn testimony which God had given us for His
remnant people.
I sensibly felt the low state of God’s people, and every day I was
aware that I had gone to the extent of my strength. While in Wright
we had sent my manuscript for No. 11 to the office of publication,
and I was improving almost every moment when out of meeting in
writing out matter for No. 12. My energies, both physical and mental,
had been severely taxed while laboring for the church in Wright. I felt
that I should have rest, but could see no opportunity for relief. I was
speaking to the people several times a week, and writing many pages
of personal testimonies. The burden of souls was upon me, and the
responsibilities I felt were so great that I could obtain but a few hours
of sleep each night.
While thus laboring in speaking and writing, I received letters of
a discouraging character from Battle Creek. As I read them I felt an
inexpressible depression of spirits, amounting to agony of mind, which
seemed for a short period to palsy my vital energies. For three nights
I scarcely slept at all. My thoughts were troubled and perplexed. I
concealed my feelings as well as I could from my husband and the
sympathizing family with whom we were. None knew my labor or
burden of mind as I united with the family in morning and evening
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devotion, and sought to lay my burden upon the great Burden Bearer.
But my petitions came from a heart wrung with anguish, and my
prayers were broken and disconnected because of uncontrollable grief.
The blood rushed to my brain, frequently causing me to reel and nearly
fall. I had the nosebleed often, especially after making an effort to
write. I was compelled to lay aside my writing, but could not throw
off the burden of anxiety and responsibility upon me, as I realized that
I had testimonies for others which I was unable to present to them.
I received still another letter, informing me that it was thought
best to defer the publication of No. 11 until I could write out that
which I had been shown in regard to the Health Institute, as those
in charge of that enterprise stood in great want of means and needed
the influence of my testimony to move the brethren. I then wrote out
a portion of that which was shown me in regard to the Institute, but
could not get out the entire subject because of pressure of blood to the
brain. Had I thought that No. 12 would be so long delayed, I should
not in any case have sent that portion of the matter contained in No.