Case of Hannah More
617
which generated from the wood and coal was mingled with it. I awoke
with such a sense of suffocation that I could not breathe lying down,
and spent the remainder of the night sitting up. I never before knew
the dreadful feeling of stifling sensations. I began to fear I should
never sleep again. I therefore resigned myself into the hands of God
for life or death, entreating him to spare me if he had any further need
of me in his vineyard; otherwise I had no wish to live. I felt entirely
reconciled to the hand of God upon me. But I also felt that satanic
influences must be resisted. I therefore bade Satan get behind me and
away from me, and told the Lord that I would not turn my hand over
to choose either life or death, but that I would refer it implicitly to
Him who knew me altogether. My future was unknown to myself,
therefore said I, Thy will is best. Life is of no account to me, so far
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as its pleasures are concerned. All its riches, its honors, are nothing
compared with usefulness. I do not crave them; they cannot satisfy or
fill the aching void which unperformed duty leaves to me. I would not
live uselessly, to be a mere blot or blank in life. And though it seems a
martyr’s death to die thus, I am resigned, if that is God’s will
.
“I had said to Sister Thompson the day previous, ‘Were I at Brother
White’s, I might be prayed for, and healed.’ She inquired if we could
send for you and Brother Andrews; but that seemed impracticable, as I
could not, in all probability, live till you arrived. I knew that the Lord
by His mighty power and with His potent arm could heal me here,
were it best. To Him I felt safe in referring it. I knew He could send
an angel to resist him that hath the power of death, that is, the devil,
and felt sure He would, if best. I knew, also, that He could suggest
measures, were they necessary, for my recovery, and I felt sure He
would. I soon was better, and able to sleep some
.
“Thus you see I am still a spared monument of God’s mercy and
faithfulness in afflicting His children. He doth not willingly afflict
nor grieve the children of men; but sometimes trials are needed as a
discipline, to wean us from earth—
And bid us seek substantial bliss
Beyond a fleeting world like this
.
“Now I can say with the poet: