Publishing and Traveling
89
About this time a celebrated physician who gave counsel free
visited Rochester, and I decided to have him examine my eye. He
thought the swelling would prove to be a cancer. But upon feeling my
pulse, he said: “You are much diseased, and will die of apoplexy before
that swelling shall break out. You are in a dangerous condition with
disease of the heart.” This did not startle me, for I had been aware that
without speedy relief I must go down to the grave. Two other women
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who had come for counsel were suffering with the same disease. The
physician said that I was in a more dangerous condition than either
of them, and it could not be more than three weeks before I would be
afflicted with paralysis. I asked if he thought his medicine would cure
me. He did not give me much encouragement. I tried the remedies
which he prescribed, but received no benefit.
In about three weeks I fainted and fell to the floor, and remained
nearly unconscious about thirty-six hours. It was feared that I could not
live, but in answer to prayer I again revived. One week later I received
a shock upon my left side. I had a strange sensation of coldness and
numbness in my head, and severe pain in my temples. My tongue
seemed heavy and numb; I could not speak plainly. My left arm and
side were helpless. I thought I was dying, and my great anxiety was
to have the evidence in my sufferings that the Lord loved me. For
months I had suffered continual pain in my heart, and my spirits were
constantly depressed. I had tried to serve God from principle without
feeling, but I now thirsted for the salvation of God, I longed to realize
His blessing notwithstanding my physical suffering.
The brethren and sisters came together to make my case a special
subject of prayer. My desire was granted; I received the blessing of
God, and had the assurance that He loved me. But the pain continued,
and I grew more feeble every hour. Again the brethren and sisters
assembled to present my case to the Lord. I was so weak that I could
not pray vocally. My appearance seemed to weaken the faith of those
around me. Then the promises of God were arrayed before me as I
had never viewed them before. It seemed to me that Satan was striving
to tear me from my husband and children and lay me in the grave,
and these questions were suggested to my mind: Can you believe the
naked promise of God? Can you walk out by faith, let the appearance
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be what it may? Faith revived. I whispered to my husband: “I believe
that I shall recover.” He answered: “I wish I could believe it.” I retired