60
Testimonies for the Church Volume 5
then pleaded, with agony of soul, that those present might no longer
grieve the Spirit of God by their hardness of heart. A few days later I
myself stood face to face with death. Then I had most clear revealings
from God in regard to myself, and in regard to the church. In great
weakness I bore to you my testimony, not knowing but it would be
my last opportunity. Have you forgotten that solemn occasion? I can
never forget it, for I seemed to be brought before the judgment seat of
Christ. Your state of backsliding, your hardness of heart, your lack of
harmony of love and spirituality, your departure from the simplicity
and purity which God would have you preserve—I knew it all; I felt
it all. Faultfinding, censuring, envy, strife for the highest place, were
among you. I had seen it and to what it would lead. I feared that effort
would cost me my life, but the interest I felt for you led me to speak.
God spoke to you that day. Did it make any lasting impression?
When I went to Colorado I was so burdened for you that, in my
weakness, I wrote many pages to be read at your camp meeting. Weak
and trembling, I arose at three o’clock in the morning to write to you.
God was speaking through clay. You might say that this communica-
tion was only a letter. Yes, it was a letter, but prompted by the Spirit
of God, to bring before your minds things that had been shown me. In
these letters which I write, in the testimonies I bear, I am presenting to
you that which the Lord has presented to me. I do not write one article
in the paper expressing merely my own ideas. They are what God has
opened before me in vision—the precious rays of light shining from
the throne.
[68]
After I came to Oakland I was weighted down with a sense of the
condition of things at Battle Creek, and I, weak, powerless to help you.
I knew that the leaven of unbelief was at work. Those who disregarded
the plain injunctions of God’s word were disregarding the testimonies
which urged them to give heed to that word. While visiting Healdsburg
last winter, I was much in prayer and burdened with anxiety and grief.
But the Lord swept back the darkness at one time while I was in prayer,
and a great light filled the room. An angel of God was by my side,
and I seemed to be in Battle Creek. I was in your councils; I heard
words uttered, I saw and heard things that, if God willed, I wish could
be forever blotted from my memory. My soul was so wounded I knew
not what to do or what to say. Some things I cannot mention. I was