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Relationships
63
Ellen G. White Letter 23, 1886
Great Grimsby, England
September 23, 1886
Dear Rolf:
While at Basel I had some conversations with Edith in regard to
your attentions to her. I asked her if she were sure she loves you well
enough to marry you. She answered that she wasn’t quite certain. I
told her she should really know what she was doing, that she should
give no encouragement to the attentions of any young man, showing
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him preference, unless she loved him. ...
I told her she should consider the goal of a marriage with you,
whether by such a step you could both glorify God, whether you
would be more spiritual, and whether your lives would be more
useful. Marriages that are impulsive and selfishly planned generally
do not result well, but often turn out miserable failures.
I had reason to think that she doesn’t enjoy household tasks, and
I knew you should have a wife who could make your home happy.
I asked her if she had any experience in household management. I
asked her these questions because it had been presented to me that
she needed special education in practical duties of life, but that she
really had no interest in those things.
Now, Rolf, I cannot say that it is my business to say that you
should not marry Edith, but I will say that I have an interest in you.
Here are things that should be considered: Will the one you marry
bring happiness to your home? Is Edith financially stable, or will
she, if married, not only use up all her own earnings but all of yours
to gratify vanity, a love of appearance? Are her principles correct on
this subject?
I do not think Edith knows what self-denial is. If she had the
opportunity she would find ways to spend even more money than
she has done. With her, selfish spending has never been overcome,
and this natural self-indulgence has become a part of her life. She
desires an easy, fun time.
I must speak plainly. I know, Rolf, that should you marry her
you would be mated but not matched. There would be something
missing in the one you make your life partner. And as far as Christian