Beginning of Public Labours
19
was striving with me. He said that when the sinner becomes hardened
in guilt, he does not realize the enormity of his transgression, but
flatters himself that he is about right, and in no particular danger. The
Spirit of the Lord leaves him, and he becomes careless and indifferent
or recklessly defiant. This good man told me of the love of God for
His erring children; that instead of rejoicing in their destruction, He
longed to draw them to Himself in simple faith and trust. He dwelt
upon the great love of Christ and the plan of redemption.
Elder Stockman spoke of my early misfortune, and said it was
indeed a grievous affliction, but he bade me believe that the hand of
a loving Father had not been withdrawn from me; that in the future
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life, when the mist that then darkened my mind had vanished, I would
discern the wisdom of the providence which had seemed so cruel and
mysterious. Jesus said to His disciples, “What I do thou knowest not
now; but thou shalt know hereafter.”
John 13:7
. In the great future we
should no longer see as through a glass darkly, but come face to face
with the mysteries of divine love.
“Go free, Ellen,” said he; “return to your home trusting in Jesus, for
He will not withhold His love from any true seeker.” He then prayed
earnestly for me, and it seemed that God would certainly regard the
prayer of His saint, even if my humble petitions were unheard. My
mind was much relieved, and the wretched slavery of doubt and fear
departed as I listened to the wise and tender counsel of this teacher in
Israel. I left his presence comforted and encouraged.
During the few minutes in which I received instruction from Elder
Stockman, I had obtained more knowledge on the subject of God’s
love and pitying tenderness, than from all the sermons and exhortations
to which I had ever listened.
My First Public Prayer
I returned home, and again went before the Lord, promising to
do and suffer anything He might require of me, if only the smiles of
Jesus might cheer my heart. The same duty was again presented to me
that had troubled my mind before,—to take up my cross among the
assembled people of God. An opportunity was not long wanting; there
was a prayer meeting that evening at my uncle’s, which I attended.