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My First Vision
37
no longer; all things of earth look so dreary. I feel very lonely here,
for I have seen a better land. Oh, that I had wings like a dove, then
would I fly away and be at rest!
* * * * *
After I came out of vision, everything looked changed; a gloom
was spread over all that I beheld. Oh, how dark this world looked
to me. I wept when I found myself here, and felt homesick. I had
seen a better world, and it had spoiled this for me. I told the view to
our little band in Portland, who then fully believed it to be of God.
That was a powerful time. The solemnity of eternity rested upon
us. About one week after this the Lord gave me another view and
showed me the trials I must pass through, and that I must go and
relate to others what He had revealed to me, and that I should meet
with great opposition and suffer anguish of spirit by going. But said
the angel, “The grace of God is sufficient for you; He will hold you
up.”
After I came out of this vision, I was exceedingly troubled. My
health was very poor, and I was but seventeen years old. I knew that
many had fallen through exaltation, and I knew that if I in any way
became exalted, God would leave me, and I should surely be lost.
I went to the Lord in prayer and begged Him to lay the burden on
someone else. It seemed to me that I could not bear it. I lay upon
my face a long time, and all the light I could get was, “Make known
to others what I have revealed to you.”
[21]
In my next vision I earnestly begged of the Lord that, if I must
go and relate what He had shown to me, He would keep me from
exaltation. Then He showed me that my prayer was answered, and
if I should be in danger of exaltation His hand would be laid upon
me, and I would be afflicted with sickness. Said the angel, “If you
deliver the messages faithfully, and endure unto the end, you shall
eat of the fruit of the tree of life and drink of the water of the river
of life.”
Soon it was reported all around that the visions were the result
of mesmerism, [
see appendix.
] and many Adventists were ready to
believe and circulate the report. A physician who was a celebrated
mesmerizer told me that my views were mesmerism, that I was a