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Fundamentals of Christian Education
The step you are about to take is one of the most important in your
life, and should not be taken hastily. While you may love, do not love
blindly.
Examine carefully to see if your married life would be happy, or
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inharmonious and wretched. Let the questions be raised, Will this
union help me heavenward? will it increase my love for God? and
will it enlarge my sphere of usefulness in this life? If these reflections
present no drawback, then in the fear of God move forward. But even
if an engagement has been entered into without a full understanding
of the character of the one with whom you intend to unite, do not
think that the engagement makes it a positive necessity for you to
take upon yourself the marriage vow, and link yourself for life to one
whom you cannot love and respect. Be very careful how you enter into
conditional engagements; but better, far better, break the engagement
before marriage than separate afterward, as many do.
True love is a plant that needs culture. Let the woman who desires
a peaceful, happy union, who would escape future misery and sorrow,
inquire before she yields her affections, Has my lover a mother? What
is the stamp of her character? Does he recognize his obligations to
her? Is he mindful of her wishes and happiness? If he does not respect
and honor his mother, will he manifest respect and love, kindness and
attention, toward his wife? When the novelty of marriage is over, will
he love me still? Will he be patient with my mistakes, or will he be
critical, overbearing, and dictatorial? True affection will overlook
many mistakes; love will not discern them.
The youth trust altogether too much to impulse. They should not
give themselves away too easily, nor be captivated too readily by the
winning exterior of the lover. Courtship, as carried on in this age, is
a scheme of deception and hypocrisy, with which the enemy of souls
has far more to do than the Lord. Good common sense is needed here
if anywhere; but the fact is, it has little to do in the matter.
If children would be more familiar with their parents, if they would
confide in them, and unburden to them their joys and sorrows, they
would save themselves many a future heartache. When perplexed
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to know what course is right, let them lay the matter just as they
view it before their parents, and ask advice of them. Who are so
well calculated to point out their dangers as godly parents? Who can
understand their peculiar temperaments so well as they? Children who