Individuality
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no right to interfere with. God has claims upon her which you cannot
meet. In the providence of God she has become His steward, and this
she should refuse to yield to you or any other one.
You have not wisdom more exact and perfect than hers which
should lead her to give to you the stewardship of her means. She has
developed a far better character than yourself, and has a better balanced
mind than yourself. She can manage this means in her hands more
wisely, more judiciously, and more to the glory of God than yourself.
You are a man of extremes. You move by impulse and are most of the
time more directly under the control of evil angels than the angels of
God.—
Letter 4, 1870
.
Improper Motives—I need not tell you I deeply regret your mar-
riage. You are not the man that can make your wife happy. You love
yourself too well to be kind, attentive, patient, affectionate, and sym-
pathizing. How tenderly you should now treat her whom you have
married. How carefully you should study to make her not regret that
she has united her destiny with yours. God looks upon the course you
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have pursued in this matter, and you will be without excuse for the
course you have taken. God reads your motives. You now have an
opportunity to exhibit your true self, to demonstrate whether you were
actuated by true love or deep, selfish interest in your marriage. You
married, I have no doubt, thinking you would come in possession of
property and have the handling of it as you pleased.
Importance of Love and Tenderness—You have no right to dic-
tate to your wife as you would a child. You have not earned a valuable
reputation of goodness that would require reverence. You need, con-
sidering your failures in the past, to take a humble position and divest
yourself of a dignity you have not earned. You are too weak a man to
require submission to your will without an appeal. You have a work to
do to govern yourself....
You should never set yourself above your wife. She needs kindness
and love, which will be reflected back to you again. If you expect her to
love you, you must earn this love by manifesting love and tenderness
in your words and actions for her. You have in your keeping the
happiness of your wife. Your course says to her, In order for you to
be happy, you must yield your will up fully to mine; you must submit
to do my pleasure. You have taken special delight in exercising your
authority because you thought you could do so. But time will show