Work at Battle Creek
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has at times laid a weight of discouragement upon his brethren, which
did not bring to him the least help, but only weakened their hands. He
should make it a rule not to talk unbelief or discouragement, or dwell
upon his grievances. His brethren generally have loved and pitied him,
and have excused this in him, knowing the pressure of care upon him,
and his devotion to the cause of God.
My husband has labored untiringly to bring the publishing interest
up to its present state of prosperity. I saw that he had had more
sympathy and love from his brethren than he has thought he had. They
eagerly search the paper to find something from his pen. If there is
a tone of cheerfulness in his writings, if he speaks encouragingly,
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their hearts are lightened, and some even weep with tender feelings
of joy. But if gloom and sadness are expressed, the countenances of
his brethren and sisters, as they read, grow sad, and the spirit which
characterizes his writings is reflected upon them.
The Lord is seeking to teach my husband to have a spirit of for-
giveness, and forgetfulness of the dark passages in his experience. The
remembrance of the unpleasant past only saddens the present, and he
lives over again the unpleasant portion of his life’s history. In so doing
he is clinging to the darkness and is pressing the thorn deeper into his
spirit. This is my husband’s infirmity, and it is displeasing to God.
This brings darkness and not light. He may feel apparent relief for
the time in expressing his feelings; but it only makes more acute the
sense of how great his sufferings and trials have been, until the whole
becomes magnified in his imagination, and the errors of his brethren,
who have aided in bringing these trials upon him, look so grievous
that their wrongs seem to him past endurance.
My husband has cherished this darkness so long by living over
the unhappy past that he has but little power to control his mind when
dwelling upon these things. Circumstances and events which once he
would not have minded, magnify before him into grievous wrongs on
the part of his brethren. He has become so sensitive to the wrongs
under which he has suffered that it is necessary that he should be as
little as possible in the vicinity of Battle Creek, where many of the
unpleasant circumstances occurred. God will heal his wounded spirit,
if he will let Him. But in doing this, he will have to bury the past. He
should not talk of it, or write of it.