Kind of Husband Not To Be
167
Is it not his child as well as hers? Is he not under a natural obligation
to patiently bear his part of the burden of rearing his children
A Dictatorial and Dominating Husband; Words of Counsel—
Your life would be much happier if you did not feel that absolute
authority is vested in you because you are a husband and father. Your
practice shows that you misinterpret your position—house-band. You
are nervous and dictatorial and often manifest great lack of judgment,
so that however you may regard your course at such times, it cannot
be made to appear consistent to your wife and children. When once
you have taken a position, you are seldom willing to withdraw from
it. You are determined to carry out your plans, when many times you
are not pursuing the right course and should see it. What you need is
more, far more, of love, of forbearance, and less of a determination
to have your way both in word and in deed. In the course you are
now pursuing, instead of being a house-band, you will be as a vise to
compress and distress others....
In trying to force others to carry out your ideas in every particular,
you often do greater harm than if you were to yield these points. This
is true even when your ideas are right in themselves, but in many
things they are not correct; they are overstrained as the result of the
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peculiarities of your organization; therefore you drive the wrong thing
in a strong, unreasonable manner
You have peculiar views in regard to managing your family. You
exercise an independent, arbitrary power which permits no liberty
of will around you. You think yourself sufficient to be head in your
family and feel that your head is sufficient to move every member,
as a machine is moved in the hands of the workmen. You dictate
and assume authority. This displeases Heaven and grieves the pitying
angels. You have conducted yourself in your family as though you
alone were capable of self-government. It has offended you that
your wife should venture to oppose your opinion or question your
decisions
Fretful and Querulous Husbands—Husbands, give your wives
a chance for their spiritual life.... By many the disposition to fret is
encouraged until they become like grown-up children. They do not
2
Ibid.
.
3
Letter 19a, 1891
.
4
Testimonies For The Church 2, 253
.