Beginning of Public Labours
15
take some feeble old man or woman by the hand and find a seat for
them, then return and resume his discourse. He was indeed rightly
called “Father Miller,” for he had a watchful care over those who came
under his ministrations, was affectionate in his manner, of a genial
disposition and tender heart.
He was an interesting speaker, and his exhortations, both to pro-
fessed Christians and the impenitent, were appropriate and powerful.
Sometimes a solemnity so marked as to be painful, pervaded his meet-
ings. A sense of the impending crisis of human events impressed the
minds of the listening crowds. Many yielded to the conviction of the
Spirit of God. Gray-haired men and aged women with trembling steps
sought the anxious seats; those in the strength of maturity, the youth
and children, were deeply stirred. Groans and the voice of weeping
and of praise to God were mingled at the altar of prayer.
I believed the solemn words spoken by the servant of God, and my
heart was pained when they were opposed or made the subject of jest.
I frequently attended the meetings, and believed that Jesus was soon
to come in the clouds of heaven; but my great anxiety was to be ready
to meet Him. My mind constantly dwelt upon the subject of holiness
of heart. I longed above all things to obtain this great blessing, and
feel that I was entirely accepted of God.
[24]
Mental Anguish
Up to this time I had never prayed in public, and had only spoken
a few timid words in prayer meeting. It was now impressed upon me
that I should seek God in prayer at our small social meetings. This
I dared not do, fearful of becoming confused and failing to express
my thoughts. But the duty was impressed upon my mind so forcibly
that when I attempted to pray in secret, I seemed to be mocking God,
because I had failed to obey His will. Despair overwhelmed me, and for
three long weeks no ray of light pierced the gloom that encompassed
me.
My sufferings of mind were intense. Sometimes for a whole night
I would not dare to close my eyes, but would wait until my twin sister
was fast asleep, then quietly leave my bed and kneel upon the floor,
praying silently, with a dumb agony that cannot be described. The
horrors of an eternally burning hell were ever before me. I knew that