16
Christian Experience and Teachings of Ellen G. White
it was impossible for me to live long in this state, and I dared not die
and meet the terrible fate of the sinner. With what envy did I regard
those who realized their acceptance with God! How precious did the
Christian’s hope seem to my agonized soul!
I frequently remained bowed in prayer nearly all night, groaning
and trembling with inexpressible anguish, and a hopelessness that
passes all description. “Lord, have mercy!” was my plea, and like the
poor publican I dared not lift my eyes to heaven, but bowed my face
upon the floor. I became very much reduced in flesh and strength, yet
kept my suffering and despair to myself.
Dream Of Temple And Lamb
While in this state of despondency, I had a dream that made a deep
impression upon my mind. I dreamed of seeing a temple, to which
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many persons were flocking. Only those who took refuge in that temple
would be saved when time should close; all who remained outside
would be forever lost. The multitudes without who were going about
their various ways, derided and ridiculed those who were entering the
temple, and told them that this plan of safety was a cunning deception,
that in fact there was no danger whatever to avoid. They even laid hold
of some to prevent them from hastening within the walls.
Fearful of being ridiculed, I thought best to wait until the multitude
dispersed, or until I could enter unobserved by them. But the numbers
increased instead of diminishing, and fearful of being too late, I hastily
left my home and pressed through the crowd. In my anxiety to reach
the temple I did not notice or care for the throng that surrounded me.
On entering the building, I saw that the vast temple was supported
by one immense pillar, and to this was tied a lamb all mangled and
bleeding. We who were present seemed to know that this lamb had
been torn and bruised on our account. All who entered the temple
must come before it and confess their sins. Just before the lamb were
elevated seats, upon which sat a company looking very happy. The
light of heaven seemed to shine upon their faces, and they praised God
and sang songs of glad thanksgiving that seemed like the music of the
angels. These were they who had come before the lamb, confessed
their sins, received pardon, and were now waiting in glad expectation
of some joyful event.