Chapter 3—Strivings Against Doubt
I again became very anxious to attend school and make another trial
to obtain an education, and I entered a ladies’ seminary in Portland.
But upon attempting to resume my studies, my health rapidly failed,
and it became apparent that if I persisted in attending school, it would
be at the expense of my life. With great sadness I returned to my home.
I had found it difficult to enjoy religion in the seminary, surrounded
by influences calculated to attract the mind and lead it from God. For
some time I felt a constant dissatisfaction with myself and my Christian
attainments, and did not continually realize a lively sense of the mercy
and love of God. Feelings of discouragement would come over me,
and this caused me great anxiety of mind.
The Advent Cause in Portland
In June, 1842, Mr. Miller gave his second course of lectures at the
Casco Street church in Portland. I felt it a great privilege to attend
these lectures; for I had fallen under discouragements, and did not
feel prepared to meet my Saviour. This second course created much
more excitement in the city than the first. With few exceptions, the
different denominations closed the doors of their churches against Mr.
Miller. Many discourses from the various pulpits sought to expose the
alleged fanatical errors of the lecturer; but crowds of anxious listeners
attended his meetings, and many were unable to enter the house. The
congregations were unusually quiet and attentive.
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Mr. Miller’s manner of preaching was not flowery or oratorical,
but he dealt in plain and startling facts, that roused his hearers from
their careless indifference. He supported his statements and theories
by Scripture proof as he progressed. A convincing power attended his
words, that seemed to stamp them as the language of truth.
He was courteous and sympathetic. When every seat in the house
was full, and the platform and places about the pulpit seemed over-
crowded, I have seen him leave the desk, and walk down the aisle, and
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