22
Life Sketches of Ellen G. White
My ideas concerning justification and sanctification were con-
fused. These two states were presented to my mind as separate and
distinct from each other; yet I failed to comprehend the difference
or understand the meaning of the terms, and all the explanations of
the preachers increased my difficulties. I was unable to claim the
blessing for myself, and wondered if it was to be found only among
the Methodists, and if, in attending the advent meetings, I was not
shutting my self away from that which I desired above all else,—the
sanctifying Spirit of God.
[29]
Still I observed that some of those who claimed to be sanctified,
manifested a bitter spirit when the subject of the soon coming of Christ
was introduced. This did not seem to me a manifestation of the holiness
which they professed. I could not understand why ministers from the
pulpit should so oppose the doctrine that Christ’s second coming was
near. Reformation had followed the preaching of this belief, and many
of the most devoted ministers and laymen had received it as the truth.
It seemed to me that those who sincerely loved Jesus would be ready
to accept the tidings of His coming, and rejoice that it was at hand.
I felt that I could claim only what they called justification. In the
word of God I read that without holiness no man should see God. Then
there was some higher attainment that I must reach before I could be
sure of eternal life. I studied over the subject continually; for I believed
that Christ was soon to come, and feared He would find me unprepared
to meet Him. Words of condemnation rang in my ears day and night,
and my constant cry to God was, “What shall I do to be saved?”
The Doctrine of Eternal Punishment
In my mind the justice of God eclipsed His mercy and love. The
mental anguish I passed through at this time was very great. I had
been taught to believe in an eternally burning hell; and as I thought
of the wretched state of the sinner without God, without hope, I was
in deep despair. I feared that I should be lost, and that I should live
throughout eternity suffering a living death. The horrifying thought
was ever before me, that my sins were too great to be forgiven, and
that I should be forever lost.
[30]
The frightful descriptions that I had heard of souls in perdition
sank deep into my mind. Ministers in the pulpit drew vivid pictures of