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Testimonies for the Church Volume 1
I believed the solemn words spoken by the servant of God, and my
heart was pained when they were opposed or made the subject of jest.
I frequently attended the meetings, and believed that Jesus was soon
to come in the clouds of heaven; but my great anxiety was to be ready
to meet Him. My mind constantly dwelt upon the subject of holiness
of heart. I longed above all things to obtain this great blessing and feel
that I was entirely accepted of God.
Among the Methodists I had heard much in regard to sanctification.
I had seen persons lose their physical strength under the influence of
strong mental excitement, and had heard this pronounced the evidence
of sanctification. But I could not comprehend what was necessary in
order to be fully consecrated to God. My Christian friends said to
me: “Believe in Jesus now! Believe that He accepts you now!” This
I tried to do, but found it impossible to believe that I had received a
blessing which, it seemed to me, should electrify my whole being. I
wondered at my own hardness of heart in being unable to experience
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the exaltation of spirit that others manifested. It seemed to me that I
was different from them and forever shut out from the perfect joy of
holiness of heart.
My ideas concerning justification and sanctification were con-
fused. These two states were presented to my mind as separate and
distinct from each other; yet I failed to comprehend the difference
or understand the meaning of the terms, and all the explanations of
the preachers increased my difficulties. I was unable to claim the
blessing for myself, and wondered if it was to be found only among
the Methodists, and if, in attending the advent meetings, I was not
shutting myself away from that which I desired above all else, the
sanctifying Spirit of God.
Still, I observed that some of those who claimed to be sanctified,
manifested a bitter spirit when the subject of the soon coming of Christ
was introduced; this did not seem to me a manifestation of the holiness
which they professed. I could not understand why ministers from the
pulpit should so oppose the doctrine that Christ’s second coming was
near. Reformation had followed the preaching of this belief, and many
of the most devoted ministers and laymen had received it as the truth.
It seemed to me that those who sincerely loved Jesus would be ready
to accept the tidings of His coming and rejoice that it was at hand.