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Testimonies for the Church Volume 1
there was hope for me through the love of Jesus. The very agony of
mind I had suffered was positive evidence that the Spirit of the Lord
was striving with me. He said that when the sinner becomes hardened
in guilt, he does not realize the enormity of his transgression, but
flatters himself that he is about right and in no particular danger. The
Spirit of the Lord leaves him, and he becomes careless and indifferent
or recklessly defiant. This good man told me of the love of God for
His erring children, that instead of rejoicing in their destruction, He
longed to draw them to Himself in simple faith and trust. He dwelt
upon the great love of Christ and the plan of redemption.
He spoke of my early misfortune and said it was indeed a grievous
affliction, but he bade me believe that the hand of a loving Father had
not been withdrawn from me; that in the future life, when the mist
that then darkened my mind had vanished, I would discern the wisdom
of the providence which had seemed so cruel and mysterious. Jesus
said to His disciples: “What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt
know hereafter.” In the great future we should no longer see as through
a glass darkly, but come face to face with the mysteries of divine love.
“Go free, Ellen,” said he; “return to your home trusting in Jesus, for
He will not withhold His love from any true seeker.” He then prayed
earnestly for me, and it seemed that God would certainly regard the
prayer of His saint, even if my humble petitions were unheard. I left
his presence comforted and encouraged.
During the few minutes in which I received instruction from Elder
Stockman, I had obtained more knowledge on the subject of God’s
love and pitying tenderness than from all the sermons and exhortations
to which I had ever listened. I returned home and again went before
the Lord, promising to do and suffer anything He might require of
me, if only the smiles of Jesus might cheer my heart. The same duty
was presented to me that had troubled my mind before—to take up
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my cross among the assembled people of God. An opportunity was
not long wanting; there was a prayer meeting that evening, which I
attended.
I bowed trembling during the prayers that were offered. After a
few had prayed, I lifted up my voice in prayer before I was aware of it.
The promises of God appeared to me like so many precious pearls that
were to be received only for the asking. As I prayed, the burden and
agony of soul that I had so long endured left me, and the blessing of