Feelings of Despair
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the Lord descended upon me like the gentle dew. I praised God from
the depths of my heart. Everything seemed shut out from me but Jesus
and His glory, and I lost consciousness of what was passing around
me.
The Spirit of God rested upon me with such power that I was
unable to go home that night. When I did return, on the following
day, a great change had taken place in my mind. It seemed to me
that I could hardly be the same person that left my father’s house the
previous evening. This passage was continually in my thoughts: “The
Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.” My heart was full of happiness
as I softly repeated these words.
My views of the Father were changed. I now looked upon Him as
a kind and tender parent, rather than a stern tyrant compelling men
to a blind obedience. My heart went out toward Him in a deep and
fervent love. Obedience to His will seemed a joy; it was a pleasure to
be in His service. No shadow clouded the light that revealed to me the
perfect will of God. I felt the assurance of an indwelling Saviour, and
realized the truth of what Christ had said: “He that followeth Me shall
not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”
My peace and happiness was in such marked contrast with my
former gloom and anguish that it seemed to me as if I had been rescued
from hell and transported to heaven. I could even praise God for the
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misfortune that had been the trial of my life, for it had been the means
of fixing my thoughts upon eternity. Naturally proud and ambitious,
I might not have been inclined to give my heart to Jesus had it not
been for the sore affliction that had cut me off, in a manner, from the
triumphs and vanities of the world.
For six months not a shadow clouded my mind, nor did I neglect
one known duty. My whole endeavor was to do the will of God and
keep Jesus and heaven continually in mind. I was surprised and enrap-
tured with the clear views now presented to me of the atonement and
the work of Christ. I will not attempt to further explain the exercises
of my mind; suffice it to say that old things had passed away, all things
had become new. There was not a cloud to mar my perfect bliss. I
longed to tell the story of Jesus’ love, but felt no disposition to engage
in common conversation with anyone. My heart was so filled with
love to God and the peace that passeth understanding that I loved to
meditate and to pray.