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The Adventist Home
“My boy loves me.” Such love is cheap and deceptive. It is no love
at all. The love, the genuine love, to be cultivated in the family is of
value because it is verified by obedience....
If you love the souls of your children, bring them into order. But
abundant kisses and tokens of love blind your eyes, and your children
know it. Make less of these outward demonstrations of embracing and
kissing and go down to the bottom of things and show what constitutes
filial love. Refuse these manifestations as a fraud, a deception, unless
backed up by obedience and respect for your commands
Manifest Neither Blind Affection nor Undue Severity—While
we are not to indulge blind affection, neither are we to manifest undue
severity. Children cannot be brought to the Lord by force. They can be
led, but not driven. “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and
they follow Me,” Christ declares. He did not say, My sheep hear My
voice and are forced into the path of obedience. In the government of
children love must be shown. Never should parents cause their children
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pain by harshness or unreasonable exactions. Harshness drives souls
into Satan’s net
The combined influence of authority and love will make it possible
to hold firmly and kindly the reins of family government. An eye
single to the glory of God and to what our children owe Him will keep
us from looseness and from sanctioning evil
Harshness Not Requisite to Obedience—Let none imagine ...
that harshness and severity are necessary to secure obedience. I have
seen the most efficient family government maintained without a harsh
word or look. I have been in other families where commands were
constantly given in an authoritative tone, and harsh rebukes and severe
punishments were often administered. In the first case the children
followed the course pursued by the parents and seldom spoke to one
another in harsh tones. In the second also the parental example was
imitated by the children; and cross words, faultfindings, and disputes
were heard from morning till night
Words that intimidate, creating fear and expelling love from the
soul, are to be restrained. A wise, tender, God-fearing father will bring,
9
Letter 52, 1886
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10
The Review and Herald, January 29, 1901
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11
Manuscript 24, 1887
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12
The Signs of the Times, March 11, 1886
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