Letters (Written May 10, 12, 16, and 17, 1876)
251
No, Lucinda, no camp meetings shall I attend this season. God in
His providence has given us each our work, and we will do it separately,
independently. He is happy; I am happy; but the happiness might be
all changed should we meet, I fear. Your judgment I prize, but I must
be left free to do my work. I cannot endure the thought of marring
the work and cause of God by such depression as I have experienced
all unnecessarily. My work is at Oakland. I shall not move east one
step unless the Lord says “Go.” Then, without one murmur, I will
cheerfully go, not before
.
A great share of my life’s usefulness has been lost. If James had
made retraction, it would be different. He has said we must not seek
to control each other. I do not own to doing it, but he has, and much
more. I never felt as I do now in this matter. I cannot have confidence
in James’ judgment in reference to my duty. He seems to want to
dictate to me as though I was a child—tells me not to go here, I must
come east for fear of Sister Willis’ influence, or fearing that I should
go to Petaluma, et cetera. I hope God has not left me to receive my
duty through my husband. He will teach me if I trust in Him
.
I am cheerful and happy. My nerves are getting calm. My sleep is
sweet. My health is good. I hope I have not written anything wrong,
but these are just my feelings, and no one but you knows anything
about it
.
May the Lord help me to do and feel just right. If things had
[268]
been different, I might feel [it was my] duty to go to camp meetings.
As they are, I have no duty. God blesses me in doing my work. If I
can get light in [a] dream or in any way, I will cheerfully follow the
light. God lives and reigns. I shall answer to His claims, and seek to
do His will
.
In love.—
Letter 64, 1876
(May 10, 1876).
Dear Sister Lucinda,
I wish you would write some news. Write often
.
I have decided to remain here, and not attend any of the camp
meetings. I dare not go east without an assurance that God would
have me go. I am perfectly willing to go if the light shines that way.
But the Lord knows what is best for me, for James, and the cause of
God. My husband is now happy—blessed news. If he will only remain
happy, I would be willing to ever remain from him. If my presence is
detrimental to his happiness, God forbid I should be connected with
him. I will do my work as God leads me. He may do his work as