Cautions and Counsels
17
Intellectual Basis of True Love—Love is a sentiment so sacred
that but few know what it is. It is a term used but not understood.
The warm glow of impulse, the fascination of one young person for
another, is not love; it does not deserve the name. True love has an
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intellectual basis, a deep, thorough knowledge of the object loved.
But this catching up with objects and bestowing on them the thoughts
and affections, is without reason, without judgment, and is excessive,
temporary, and sensual.
Remember that impulsive love is perfectly blind. It will as soon
be placed on unworthy objects as worthy. Command such love to
stand still and cool. Give place to genuine thought and deep, earnest
reflection. Is this object of your affection, in the scale of intelligence
and moral excellence, in deportment and cultivated manners, such
that you will feel a pride in presenting her to your father’s family, to
acknowledge her in all society as the object of your choice, one whose
society, conversational powers, and manners will interest and satisfy
your most grand expectations? Will Nellie fill this bill? I answer
decidedly, No, she will not.
Importance of Family Backgrounds—Let time teach you dis-
cretion, and what the genuine claims of love are, before it is allowed
to step one inch further. Ruin, fearful ruin, is before you in this life
and the next, if you pursue the course you have been following. Look
to the family history. Two families are to be brought into close and
sacred connection. Perfection in all these relations is not, of course, to
be expected, but you would make a most cruel move to marry a girl
whose ancestry and relatives would degrade and mortify you, or tempt
you to slight and ignore them.
Counsel From Parents and Close Friends—It is safe to make
haste slowly in these matters. Give yourself sufficient time for obser-
vation on every point, and then do not trust to your own judgment, but
let the mother who loves you, and your father, and confidential friends,
make critical observation of the one you feel inclined to favor. Trust
not to your own judgment, and marry no one whom you feel will not
be an honor to your father and mother, [but] one who has intelligence
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and moral worth. The girl who gives over her affections to a man, and
invites his attention by her advances, hanging around where she will
be noticed of him unless he shall appear rude, is not the girl you want