20
Testimonies for the Church Volume 1
interested in the soon appearing of Christ, I had attended the meet-
ings on Casco Street. The following summer my parents went to the
Methodist camp meeting at Buxton, Maine, taking me with them. I
was fully resolved to seek the Lord in earnest there, and obtain, if
possible, the pardon of my sins. There was a great longing in my heart
for the Christian’s hope and the peace that comes of believing.
I was much encouraged while listening to a discourse from the
words, I will “go in unto the king,” “and if I perish, I perish.” In his
remarks the speaker referred to those who were wavering between
hope and fear, longing to be saved from their sins and receive the
pardoning love of Christ, yet held in doubt and bondage by timidity
and fear of failure. He counseled such ones to surrender themselves to
God, and venture upon His mercy without delay. They would find a
gracious Saviour ready to present to them the scepter of mercy, even
as Ahasuerus offered to Esther the signal of his favor. All that was
required of the sinner, trembling in the presence of his Lord, was to
put forth the hand of faith and touch the scepter of His grace. That
touch ensured pardon and peace.
Those who were waiting to make themselves more worthy of divine
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favor before they venture to claim the promises of God, were making
a fatal mistake. Jesus alone cleanses from sin; He only can forgive our
transgressions. He has pledged Himself to listen to the petition and
grant the prayer of those who come to Him in faith. Many had a vague
idea that they must make some wonderful effort in order to gain the
favor of God. But all self-dependence is vain. It is only by connecting
with Jesus through faith that the sinner becomes a hopeful, believing
child of God. These words comforted me and gave me a view of what
I must do to be saved.
I now began to see my way more clearly, and the darkness began to
pass away. I earnestly sought the pardon of my sins, and strove to give
myself entirely to the Lord. But my mind was often in great distress
because I did not experience the spiritual ecstasy that I considered
would be the evidence of my acceptance with God, and I dared not
believe myself converted without it. How much I needed instruction
concerning the simplicity of it!
While bowed at the altar with others who were seeking the Lord, all
the language of my heart was: “Help, Jesus, save me or I perish! I will
never cease to entreat till my prayer is heard and my sins forgiven!”